"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That accounts for only three of the penises
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
