I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
