Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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