enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
