Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
