ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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