I CAN MOONWALK!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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