I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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