just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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