I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
