Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
