Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
