So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
