Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize