They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
