okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize