After last night, I could never be a politician.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
