I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
