just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
