He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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