I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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