I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
