Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
