hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
