you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
