Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
