two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
