my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
