I am midnight drunk by noon
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
