Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
