I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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