Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
