dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
