Please, let me fuck your mom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
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