This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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