xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
