I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i think my cat just said my name.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We need to get me chipped asap
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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