Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
