The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
