You're so nebulous sometimes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
