Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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