Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
