I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
