The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I intend to get homeless drunk
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
