discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
