Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize