Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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