I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
