Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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