Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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