Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
