I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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