Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
