At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
