I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
