some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
