is your mom at the bar?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
