I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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