my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i came on her dog
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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