she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
