What a fucking waste of an outfit
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
