So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
