I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am midnight drunk by noon
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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